Hodgepodge Mélange
by Eldr-Fire
Summary: Collections of shorts done for contests & memes. Usually contain Kakashi. Include KakaSaku, KakaRin, Hatakecentric, KakashiGai friends, JiraTsu, GaiNeji, Team 7 AU, KakaMei, Akatsuki, others
1. Differences of Opinion

Posted for Kakashi's birthday! Not a birthday fic, though. Gonna be some drabbles. I don't normally do them. These are all for contests. This was the first one I ever did. The theme was "Need" at the naruto_contest community on LJ. Max words 300.

Title: Differences of Opinion

Rating: T

Characters: Kakashi; slight KakaSaku

Genre: General/Humor

Warnings: Very slight sexual themes and language

Word count: 294

* * *

Everyone had theories about why Kakashi carried his book. It was a mild scandal, really; whenever the gossip mill was churning particularly slowly, people would hash out their best hypotheses, weighing the many factors that could affect this most puzzling habit. Whispers of "pervert" and "hooligan" would drift about; when the topic was at its hottest, mothers would shield the eyes of their children when his presence loomed on the far side of the street.

Kakashi never paid much attention to these people, though. After having been accused of conducting a steamy affair with Maito Gai's turtle, there wasn't much that could ruffle his feathers.

And really, every one of these idle chatters was far from the mark. Kakashi had heard it all: childhood abuse, denial of homosexuality, sexual predator, emotional mask, secret crush on Jiraiya…

No.

The reason Kakashi was constantly seen with the offensive orange book was that it was a _compulsion._ It wasn't something he could control anymore. The original reason was lost on him; he was sure it had something to do with adolescent curiosity, but it mattered little now. By this point, it simply didn't feel right to go without it. His hand craved the feel of the spine nestled between his middle and ring fingers; his eye ached for the familiar arrangement of ink strokes on paper. He had long since memorized the steps of its exquisite literary dance. A grand ball filled with pirouetting verbs and the occasional, heated tango of a delicious adverb sprinkled between gentle waltzes of emotion.

It was beyond habit at this point. If he couldn't feel the corner of a dirty book poking at his rear end, he couldn't function. It was a need.

Sakura thought that Kakashi was full of shit.


	2. Tricks and Treats

Originally anonymous, this was done for the Halloween meme at naruto_meme on LJ. (Eek I finally have one yes?!) Original prompt was as follows:

_I__n an modern AU setting, a teenaged Iruka takes Team 7 trick or treating, chaos ensues. Kakashi appearing to heckle Iruka would be an added bonus, and any mention of Itachi would be a treat._

I hope anon doesn't mind me revealing myself! You don't have to reveal yourself, anon. I also did two more prompts that I will be sharing at a later time. ;) I can't say this is my best work ever, but it was nice to do. Originally done on October 29, 2009.

Title: Tricks and Treats  
Rating: K+  
Characters: Iruka, Sasuke, Naruto, Sakura, Itachi, Kakashi, others  
Genre: General  
Warnings: Nah  
Word count: 3413

* * *

At the tender age of seventeen, Umino Iruka had a lot on his plate. He was in his toughest year of high school, and he had to spend most of his spare time studying. Of course, academics weren't his only obligation: as an upstanding citizen, he also performed community service.

Iruka loved children, so his natural choice was to volunteer at the local day care. This weekend, he had been saddled with Halloween duty. This consisted of getting the kids dressed up in their costumes and leading them through the streets, supervising their quests for candy.

But he didn't mind so much, he reflected as he straightened the wings on little Haruno Sakura's fairy costume. They were a pale pink to match her hair, and the dress she wore had a wispy pink skirt. Her legs were warmed by thick white tights, and they ended in white buckled shoes.

"There you go," he said kindly, ruffling her hair. She giggled at him before running off to fetch her plastic Jack-o-lantern. Iruka didn't miss the fevered blush that splashed across her face when she spotted Sasuke.

"Sasuke-kun!" she trilled. "You look so scary!"

Sasuke's small little frown deepened. The upper half of his face was covered in a black mask, and a black cape billowed around him as he walked: Iruka had to contain his laughter. Sasuke looked so serious as he strode around the room, covered in black from head to toe. He lifted up witches' hats and pieces of construction paper, searching intently for some elusive object.

Sakura watched him shyly, twisting her wand in her hands behind her back. "What are you looking for, Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke looked at her, and she shrank back. But Iruka saw that it was not a glare; rather, Sasuke's brow was creased in worry.

"Sensei?" His serious tone contrasted with his high, childish voice. "Where is nii-san?"

A frown curved Iruka's lip; Sasuke's brother didn't go trick or treating. Sasuke knew that. Before he could answer him, however, a blue and yellow blur flew into Sasuke.

"Bam!"

"Hey!" Sasuke whined as the blue creature bounced off of him, laughing madly to himself. "That wasn't funny!"

Iruka's hands went automatically to his hips. "Apologize to Sasuke, Naruto."

Naruto grinned at him through the heavy blue paint. A white hat was falling off of his head, revealing the bold blonde hair beneath. Iruka wrinkled his nose in thought. Who was Naruto supposed to be again…?

"Naw, I was just playing a joke, Sensei!" Naruto giggled. Sasuke glared sulkily at him.

"I didn't think it was very funny," he mumbled. Naruto stuck his tongue out.

Sakura poked Naruto with her wand. "What are you, Naruto?"

Naruto smiled proudly. "A smurp!"

The blue skin clicked in Iruka's mind. "Smurf," he corrected. "Now, who's ready to get some candy?"

All three of the children cheered, raising their Jack-o-lanterns above their heads in excitement. Iruka waved them forward, letting Naruto lead the way, with Sasuke moodily at his heels and Sakura wandering dreamily behind him.

He tightened his ponytail and grasped his weapon firmly. "Wssshhhh," he whispered, drawing the plastic object from his belt. He waved it around experimentally, making sure to add the accompanying side effects.

"Iruka-sensei, come on!"

"Coming, coming!" He stowed the weapon in its proper place and jogged to catch up with the children, robes flapping behind him in the cool night breeze. He would make a good Jedi warrior.

Lights the color of sunset pulled them towards decorated houses, inviting the trick or treaters closer with every skull and spider. Candles flickered inside grinning pumpkins. Naruto's mouth was agape with awe at the glittering arrangements of lights and colors. He kept wandering off of the sidewalk, enraptured by the decorations. Sasuke seemed determined to be put out, but even he could not help glancing at the cackling witches and ghosts. Sakura followed quietly, her face washed with the twilight glow.

Dead leaves crunched beneath Naruto's feet as he ran up to the first house.

"Use the path, Naruto!" Iruka called after him, but Naruto didn't pay attention. A scowling Sasuke sharply turned into the driveway and obediently followed the trail of stout black lights to the front porch. Sakura wore a smug little smile on her face as she marched after him.

Naruto jammed his thumb into the doorbell, giggling in delight as the red glow shone through his finger.

"Lookit that, sensei!" he cried gleefully. "My thumb is see-through!"

Iruka snatched his hand away from the doorbell, and the incessant ringing stopped. "Only once, Naruto," he warned. Naruto stuck his tongue out at him but snapped his head forward as the door opened.

"Trick or treat!" the three children cried. The chuckling old man peered around the jack-o-lanterns that had been thrust into his face.

"Oh, and what do we have here?" he said kindly. His small eyes crinkled into beady black dots as he squinted at the costumes.

"I'm a smurp!" Naruto crowed. Iruka's quietly muttered "smurf" was lost as Naruto demanded, "Trick, please!"

"Oh ho ho, I don't know about any of those," the man said good-naturedly. He reached behind him for a bowl filled to the brim with candies and sweets, dropping two into each bowl. "What are you, young man?"

Sasuke smiled in spite of his decidedly sour mood. "I'm a bat!" he said proudly, puffing up his little chest.

The man laughed, giving Sasuke an extra chocolate. "And a fine bat you—" He was cut off by a pigtailed young girl bounding out the door. She didn't bother to apologize as she nearly knocked Sakura off of the stoop; Iruka had to grab her shoulder to steady her as the girl ran off to meet her friends on the sidewalk.

The old man frowned as his daughter glanced over her shoulder, laughing with her friends. "Ayame, you be more careful!" he said sternly. Iruka could see the girl roll her eyes.

"Yeah yeah, I know already," she groaned. Her friends all laughed sympathetically, and they trooped off together. Iruka frowned disapprovingly.

"Sorry about that," the man said kindly. In compensation, he gave them all an extra handful of candy.

They all thanked him and left; Naruto didn't feel the need to take the stairs, instead choosing to hop off of the porch and land running to the street. Iruka's brow twitched in annoyance as he jogged after him, grabbing his arm before he could run onto the blacktop.

"Don't go running into the street," he scolded. Naruto only laughed and wriggled free, skipping forward on the sidewalk.

The next house had a bowl set out on the stoop. It was filled with wrapped chocolates, and with a whoop Naruto ran forward. Sasuke was close after him, elbowing him out of the way to get more candy.

Iruka sighed, wondering how on earth he was expected to control them. It took him several moments to notice that Sakura had not run up to join them in their fiendish candy-hoarding.

"Go on," he encouraged her. She hesitated, eyeing the wild boys apprehensively; Iruka had to nudge her forward before she went up and took a bar.

Naruto snickered as they left the porch. "I bet I got more than you, Sasuke!"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Did not," he said.

"Did too!"

Iruka tapped his foot _very _impatiently as he waited for the boys to count out their candies. Finally, Naruto cried out in triumph, "I win, I win!"

"Whatever," said Sasuke, and he pretended not to care.

Sakura hurried to his side, holding out her candy in offering. "You can have some of mine, Sasuke-kun!"

Sasuke turned his head away. "No," he said stonily.

Crestfallen, Sakura watched him walk away, but her thoughts were broken by Naruto thrusting his hand into her jack-o-lantern.

"Thanks, Sakura-chan!"

Sakura angrily snatched her candy away from Naruto. "It wasn't for you!" she growled, whacking him on the side of the head with her wand.

Iruka saw it fit to step in at that point. He firmly pulled Naruto away from Sakura, saying sternly, "No hitting."

At the next house, the door creaked open at the cry of "Trick or Treat!", but no one was there. The children waited nervously, their eyes wide as they scanned the empty hall.

"Boo!"

Sakura shrieked as a man popped out from behind the door, but she calmed down as soon as she saw his smiling face. It was lined with wrinkles and split in a smile; his pale beard ended in a fine point.

"Mayor Sarutobi, you had all of us scared!" Iruka said, smiling a little sycophantically at the esteemed head of the town.

"Oh, you weren't that scared, were you, kids?" Sarutobi chortled at Naruto, whose face was scrunched up in annoyance. "What's wrong with you, hmm?" he asked as he sprinkled candy in their pumpkins.

Naruto exhaled a very put-upon sigh. "Well, you got my hopes up by making it _seem _like it was gonna be a trick!"

Sarutobi chuckled. "Ah, but that's the trick." While Naruto pondered that, he shook a few extra pieces into Sakura's pumpkin. He winked and wished them a happy Halloween before shutting the door.

As they walked away, Sasuke dragged his feet. Iruka stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "What's the matter, Sasuke?" he asked, concern coloring his voice. "You seem sad."

Sasuke kicked at a dry leaf. "I want Nii-san to come trick-or-treating," he mumbled.

Iruka crouched down to Sasuke's level, ignoring the lightsaber poking him uncomfortably. "Where is he?"

"He's at Hatake Kakashi's for babysitting," Sasuke said with a sniffle. "Something about tutoring…"

This interested Iruka; he knew that Kakashi sometimes tutored, but he would've expected Kakashi to be at Maito Gai's infamous Halloween party.

He patted Sasuke on the back. "Well, let's go pay him a visit!" Sasuke's face lit up, but Naruto frowned.

"Only if there's candy!"

Iruka assured him that there was definitely going to candy there, so without a fuss they all hurried to Kakashi's house.

They piled on the tiny doorstep; Iruka batted Naruto's hand away from the doorbell, instead encouraging Sasuke to ring it. Sasuke eagerly pressed his gloved thumb to the beige rectangle, sending a merry tune jingling through the house.

The lock clicked and the door opened to reveal Kakashi, his eye lighting with amusement when he saw the group. He was wearing an orange sweater and dark jeans, and the lower half of his face was wrapped with a striped orange and black scarf. A pale big toe poked through a hole in his black socks.

He made eye contact with Iruka and held up his hand in greeting, splitting the open-handed gesture between the middle and ring fingers. Iruka's brow twitched in annoyance. "That's Star—"

His correction was cut off by Naruto's demand of "tricks or treats old man!" and Sasuke's whine of "Where's Nii-san?"

Kakashi raised a finger to his lips— or rather, where his lips were probably hidden underneath the scarf. Sasuke quiets in annoyance, and his impatience prompts Sakura to break through her shy mask and hit Naruto on the shoulder with her wand. "Be quiet!" she hissed. Naruto crossed his arms tightly, unknowingly mirroring Sasuke's posture _exactly_.

Kakashi leaned forward conspiratorially, and his hand flapped to beckon them to him. The three kids pressed closer to him. "We," he suggested in a dramatic whisper, "should play a trick on Itachi."

He straightened up and pulled the door behind him so that it was open only a crack, and he stepped out onto the porch. The others backed up to make room for him.

Sasuke did not seem to be sold by the idea. "I just want Nii-san to trick or treat with us."

Kakashi nodded in understanding. "Okay, we'll trick him into it."

Clearly confused, Naruto wrinkled his nose. "I don't get it."

"Well," Kakashi explained patiently, "we're going to trick him into trick or treating with you."

Iruka could see a smile twitch at the corner of Sakura's mouth, but then in an instant the mischievous smirk had passed, and her mouth was set in an innocently curious line.

"How?" Naruto asked.

"Yeah," Sasuke chimed in, "Itachi's really smart and isn't fooled easy."

Kakashi considered this information. "Well," he said slowly, "your parents are police, right?"

This change of subject confused Sasuke, but he nodded guardedly.

"And he listens to them, right?"

Another nod.

"Well, then there it is." He pointed to Iruka. "He is going to be the trick or treating police," he announced.

Iruka's shoulders slumped. _Of course this visit isn't going to be easy…_

The children hung onto Kakashi's every word as he explained. "Iruka will put his hood up," he said, miming the action. "And he'll go in there and spook Itachi into believing that the trick or treating police will get him if he doesn't trick or treat."

A vein throbbed in Iruka's temple; Kakashi-sempai always infuriated him. "And what sort of threat am I supposed to use?"

Kakashi waved the question off vaguely. Dismissively he said, "You can just threaten to beam him up, Scotty."

Rage bubbled in the pit of Iruka's stomach, crawling hotly up his throat like indigestion. He opened his mouth, one finger raised, prepared to correct Kakashi, but Kakashi cut him off with a very theatrical, swooping movement. He shepherded the kids with his arms and had them huddle with him behind a bush adjacent to the porch.

Iruka's mouth hung open; Kakashi had gotten them all to bend to his will so easily! It wasn't fair! He was _creepy_, for heaven's sake; kids weren't supposed to gravitate towards him!

Iruka was frozen in righteous anger, but the kids all excitedly waved him on, and he simply couldn't resist their glowing faces, rosy from the evening chill. Ignoring the malicious smirk dancing in Kakashi's eye, he gave the kids a thumbs-up and pulled the hood over his face.

He knocked; he could hear Kakashi sigh from the bushes. "Just go in there, Princess Leia."

Iruka swallowed down his indignation at Kakashi's deliberate mockery and stepped into the house, repeating the mantra that _it's for the kids, it's for the kids—_

_That's definitely not for the kids._ A thick red restricted circle eyed him from the back cover of a neon orange book. Raven black hair poked over the book's top, and two short legs swung against an under-stuffed, skeletal armchair.

Iruka stood stock still, his mouth agape in shock. He tried to summon words to match his horror, but he could only choke out a pathetic sort of whimper.

Two slanted black eyes peeked over the top of the book; they remained indifferent as they regarded the flabbergasted Iruka.

Finally, Iruka spluttered, "Is THIS what Kakashi was tutoring you?!"

Itachi blinked. "Oh, no." He closed the book, letting it slide into his lap. "I've just been trying to figure out why Kakashi-sempai can't seem to put it down." His young, angelic voice contrasted the dirty title boldly jeering at Iruka in bubbly red letters: _Come Come Paradise_… Really, was there no DECENCY—?

A small black figure hurtled past Iruka, barreling into Itachi's chair; Itachi pulled his legs up in surprise as the little bat creature grabbed for them, letting out little noises of exertion as it hopped up and down, reaching for the ever ascending Itachi, who was standing on the cushion.

Sasuke could only reach the book; he knocked it off of the cushion, which is what brought the instigator of the madness rushing to claim it. Ignoring the small boy now preparing to clamber over the chair, Kakashi crouched at the book's side, picking it up and stroking the spine… _soothingly._

This was really too much for Iruka. He pulled Sasuke away from the chair, holding him against his chest as the little boy flailed to get at his brother. Naruto could be heard howling with laughter, and Sakura was hiding timidly behind him.

Iruka put Sasuke down once his arms and legs were no longer writhing with want, and the small dark bat boy started crying. Itachi watched with uncharacteristically wide eyes as his younger brother sobbed, "Nii-san, I just wanted you to come trick or treating with us, but I didn't want him to arrest you!"

Itachi slid down the chair, still watching his brother as if he had never really seen him before. "A… arrest me?" Hopping off the chair, he walked over to Sasuke. He looked around a little self-consciously, but Kakashi had become terribly interested in the ceiling, and Iruka followed suit. Satisfied that none of the big kids were watching, Itachi wrapped his arms around Sasuke's small, shaking form.

Their tender moment was broken by a loud whine from Naruto. "Are you gonna just give us _candy_ already?" he complained. He shook his jack-o-lantern to illustrate the distressing lack of treats inside.

Kakashi straightened up, setting his book carefully on the worn cushion before walking over to Naruto. "Yes, yes, here you go," he said, unenthusiastically tossing a Tootsie roll into Naruto's pumpkin. When he saw Sakura, however, he crouched in front of her with a smile, offering his bowl of candy to her.

"You can pick whatever you want!" he said cheerily. Sakura gave him a shy smile and took several colorful candies from the mix. She giggled when Kakashi put a finger to her lips and said, "But don't tell Naruto!"

"Hey, don't tell me what, don't tell me what?" But Kakashi had already stood up, winking at Sakura and shooing Naruto away with his hands.

"Go on, everyone out," he said. Itachi looked up at him from over Sasuke's shoulder. Kakashi answered his questioning gaze with a pointed nod towards the door. Itachi sighed a little, but nonetheless he grabbed his little brother's hand and pulled him towards the door. Delighted, Sasuke followed after him into the night.

Sakura, however, hesitated at the door. "What's the matter, Sakura?" Iruka asked her. She was biting her lip, looking down into her jack-o-lantern.

"Um..." Nervously, she shifted her weight to the other foot. She looked up at Kakashi and asked, "Is it really okay for me to have all this candy?"

A coolness settled in Kakashi's eye. "Why wouldn't it be?" he asked.

"Well, um… I was just wondering if…" She swallowed, looking after Sasuke with unmistakable yearning. "If Sasuke likes girls who eat a lot of candy…"

Iruka could have punched something. What on earth was a six-year-old girl doing worrying about _that_?

Kakashi seemed to share his sentiments. "Of course," he told her. "I _only _like girls who eat candy."

"Really?" Her round green eyes were clouded with doubt.

"Yep!" Iruka agreed; Sakura's head swiveled to look at him too. "Any girl who doesn't is boring."

Her pale pink lips spread in a smile, and hope shone through her emerald eyes, glowing in the dim light. "Thank you!" she chirped, and she scurried off the porch.

Iruka pinched the bridge of his noise. "Way too young," he muttered.

"Agreed."

Iruka sighed, watching his breath turn to fog in the crisp autumn air. Kakashi patted him on the shoulder.

"Time to go do your duty," he said seriously.

A grin tugged at Iruka's mouth in spite of himself. "And what would that be?" he asked, deciding to humor his maddening friend.

Kakashi thrust his fist into the air, his eyes closed in apparent determination.

"To boldly go where no man has gone before," he said passionately.

Iruka rolled his eyes, pulling away from Kakashi's grip. He glanced at Kakashi, assuming that he would be smirking madly, but the silver-haired man's face was slanted in solemnity.

Iruka let out an exasperated sigh. "What is it?"

Kakashi wagged his finger. "That's a split infinitive, you know."

"I'll be sure to remember that," Iruka snapped, and he marched off of the porch in a huff. He rejoined the children on the sidewalk, where Sasuke was busy telling Itachi about some of the decorations they had seen on the way there, Naruto was inspecting his haul so far, and Sakura was chewing contentedly on a chocolate.

"Live long and prosper!" Kakashi called after him; Iruka had half a mind to flip him off, but unlike _someone_, he was going to keep propriety in mind. So instead, he shook his head at his malevolent sempai and ushered the kids down the block.


	3. Nightmare

This was also done for the Halloween meme on LJ. Prompt: _A nightmare a character has? Or perhaps their worst nightmare?_ There were lots of other good ones done for this prompt. I was inspired to do one of my own!

Title: Nightmare  
Rating: T  
Characters: well you'll see, won't you?  
Genre: Angst  
Warnings: Angst, sorta violence...  
Word count: 757

* * *

There are flowers peppering the field with golds and reds and periwinkles. The sun pulses in the middle of a cloudless sky and the grass sways at the whims of the breeze.

A little boy is spinning in circles, and his mouth is split in laughter but there is no sound. He twirls round and round and round and round and round before he falls into the flowers. Still now, he drinks in the warmth and the refreshment, content upon the ground.

Happy. Things are not so bad, are they? The boy is alone in the field but this is not bothering him. The man who watches from the shadows lets out a relieved breath because he sees he is not needed.

Lazily the boy puts an arm into the sky, his fingers curling around a pretty piece of air. He is not smiling anymore, and his pale eyebrows slant with his mouth in a frown. His tiny fingers clench into a fist, and there are invisible bloodstains there.

The man who watches in the shadows is acutely aware of his own heartbeats because even now he counts them, whispering numbers that dwindle. It is because of this that he feels the movement of his heart with such excruciating detail as it slides up his esophagus, leaving sticky juice along the ridges of his throat. It tickles his tonsils in a sinister sort of way but stops, sending its juice no further than the base of his tongue so that he can taste the bitterness. It sits there in his throat, holding him on the edge of a gag, and it tastes like guilt.

The little boy's lips tremble a little and he screws his eyes shut. Why is he doing that? the man wants to ask, but his vocal cords are coated in the thick slime and he cannot speak. Still he screams inside his head, why is he shutting his eyes? Why is he choosing the darkness over the beautiful field?

But the field isn't beautiful anymore. No, the field is still beautiful, but the beautiful is not a field. It is a shimmering image that flickers, breaking along the edges and crackling as if with static. The flowers are wilting and turning brown and the grass is receding into the ground, which is dry and dirty. Yellow then orange then red, the sun is burning in the sky and scorching the barren lot below, burning the little boy, _his skin was always so fair just like his mother's_

The little boy lets out a wail, not a shout like he would on the battlefield, but a helpless whine that screeches against the ears of the man who watches in the shadows. And the boy opens up his eyes and they are black as they always were but somehow darker.

His fantasy has split along the carelessly stitched seams and now he is paying for it with a reality harsher than the real world, but the man who watches in the shadows is still only in the shadows and he cannot move, he cannot save the boy, he is tied up with a rope that digs into his neck, digs along a fresh scar that hasn't healed and isn't a scar anymore, it's a wound and it's bleeding and he wants to cry out but the sticky sticky juice has glued his throat shut, and when the little boy turns to the shadows, turns to the shadows because that's all he has left, he does not see anything but the silence.

Sakumo jerks awake in his bed, and he wants to scream but his throat still feels sticky, so he writhes and twists, tangling himself in the smelly sheets. He does not stop for ninety-eight seconds _(ninety-eight, ninety-seven, ninety-six)_, and then he lies still. Moonlight pours onto his shaking form and makes his sweaty skin shine like a ghost's.

He cannot remember the dream. The field is not even a memory to him, and the little boy is asleep in the next room. But the guilt is still there and his heart is still pounding in his throat _(ninety-two, ninety-one, ninety)_ and it doesn't feel good, it feels awful and wrong and bad like it shouldn't be there and if he wants the last thing he does to be a good one then maybe he should just take it out.

_(Eighty-seven, eighty-six, eighty-five)_


	4. The Definition of Youth

This is another one done for the Halloween meme on LJ. The original prompt: _I'd like to see Konoha's Green Beast scared. Really, really afraid._ The subject of the post was "Guy", so that's why I used that spelling rather than my usual "Gai". If you see this, anon, I hope it makes you happy to have stumbled upon what you asked for! This was written on the spot, which is why it might seem a little wonky. xD Originally written on October 30, 2009.

Title: The Definition of Youth  
Rating: K+ or T  
Characters: Guy and Kakashi  
Genre: Angst  
Warnings: Angst  
Word count: 920

* * *

A stringy boy with thick eyebrows and a bowl cut was crouched in the bushes, peering through thorny branches into the clearing. A little white flag twisted in the wind; it was thin and skimpy, so it was caught easily in the thick current. In contrast, a stone stood still in the turbulence, rooted to the spot as if it had been built with the earth.

A scarecrow of a boy, a shadow of a man, was standing in front of the roughly hewn rock. A weathered white X stood out against the dark color of his shirt, intersected by a short scabbard. The wind tossed his silver hair around, tugging at it mercilessly, and the boy in the bushes saw him push his weight into his feet to keep him firmly rooted.

But it didn't work, and the wind was too big or the boy was too small so he fell to his hands and knees.

The boy in the bushes had small black eyes that widened as an unfamiliar sound wormed its way through the howls of the wind. It was piteous and frightened, an anguished whine that pierced his ears with stinging pain. Never had he heard the scarecrow-man-boy-creature make this noise, and he felt a stab of fear in his heart.

_He_ was supposed to be strong. He was the one who could march before he could walk, the one they were supposed to model themselves after. He was the epitome of a youth well-utilized, they were told. Agility and flexibility and stamina were all gifts that most of them didn't know how to use, but _he_ did. Youth was his advantage. Youth was his weapon, his sickle in the night.

But what about this? This was the part they hadn't told him about, probably. The boy in the bushes was not so sure that this was what youth was supposed to be. He had always been told that his youth was being wasted on games and stories and curious little adventures, and that _you're not as good as that Hatake boy_, but was it really a waste?

He watched _that Hatake boy_ as he clawed helplessly at the monument, sobbing and rubbing his fingertips raw against the carved characters of his best friend's name. Was this how youth was supposed to be spent? Or was this the end of youth? Maybe youth and adulthood weren't about age, and the person in front of him was really a miniature adult and had never been a boy. They were the same age and yet there were eons between them.

The boy in the bushes was afraid. They had told him to want to be like Kakashi, but he didn't. This broken toy soldier in front of the grave made his heart shrink back into his ribcage, pressuring his lung and making his breath catch in his throat. It choked him, this fear, and he couldn't stand it, wouldn't stand it, shouldn't have to stand it--

Guy ran out of the bushes. Fear was making him bolt forward, and he hurtled towards the stone with wild abandon--

Kakashi looked over his shoulder in surprise, and Guy skidded to a halt. The eyes that stared at him were not the contemptuous black ones he was used to. One was still black and it was heavy with sorrow, but the one that had horrified Guy into stopping was red. Black commas swirled hectically in the pool of crimson, and the skin around it was inflamed, enhancing the bloodiness of the gaze.

His throat had constricted in fear. _What is he?_ He pushed the thought aside and split his lips in the toothiest grin he could manage. _Chimpanzees smile when they are frightened-- but he hastily pushed that away too.)_

Pale eyebrows tilted upwards in confusion as Kakashi tried to make sense of Guy's grin. The muscles around Guy's mouth trembled with the exertion of maintaining a smile when the rest of his body was telling him to _run away from the scary monster_

He planted his hands firmly on his hips; his fingers instinctively dug into his side, and it hurt but he put that away as well.

"Kakashi!"

He was going to confront it. The fear wouldn't hold him back anymore. He had always feared this childhood killer, but now he feared him for different reasons, and Guy promised himself that he would never go to that place.

Kakashi titled his head to the side wearily, a shade of apathy shadowing his eyes. "What is it?" His voice cracked with strain.

Although his instincts screamed in protest, Guy crinkled his eye in a wink.

"Are you up for a challenge?"

He thought he might have seen the ghost of amusement pass across Kakashi's eye. "Challenge?" he repeated.

Guy nodded vigorously. He needed to challenge the darkness, to keep it at bay in Kakashi and to keep it from spreading like a plague to Guy himself. There needed to be something to keep him going, something to keep him from falling prey to whatever monsters were already blackening Kakashi's insides.

"That's right, my eternal rival!"

"E...ternal rival...?"

A booming laugh erupted from between Guy's lips, and he could already feel himself getting stronger. He wasn't going to be afraid anymore.


	5. Destruction

Title: Destruction  
Rating: PG for sadness  
Pairings/Characters: No pairings  
Genre: Angst  
Warnings: Sad  
Word count: 223

This was my entry to the naruto_contest LJ community for week #57: destruction. (300 words max!) And I won first place! :) Thank you so much to the people who voted for me! Also the other entry was still very good! Now... Originally written October 25, 2009. Don't read ahead that's CHEATING! Line by line please if you can manage. Shgamorgnadoodle... translation, it's angsty and well I tried to think of something funny but then this happened.  


* * *

Torn red paper flapped in the unforgiving wind. Its edges curled crisp and black, singed by the merry fire that used to burn within. The rubble trapping it was bulky and nondescript; against it, the bold crimson fibers shone like blood.

An old man stumbled. He cursed the rock that had tripped him and winced, clutching at his hip. His feet ached, and he longed to kick off the beaten wooden sandals, but he had to go on. He had to see for himself what damage had been done.

Warily, he walked forward, squinting against the harsh glare of the sun. It did nothing to warm him, but it lit the scene, allowing him to see in sharp relief the devastation. It stretched for miles, lapping at the rocks that surrounded the ruined crater.

But the massive desolation was not for him. His weary eyes were drawn only to that which had been his and was his no longer.

With a heavy exhalation he stopped. He stood alone in the wasteland, one white wooden stick in a field of broken homes.

He could not believe it, and he would not have believed it— were it not for the madly dancing paper, twisting in the gale as if possessed by a tormented spirit, a demon of destruction.

Teuchi fell to his knees and cried.


	6. Overcast

For the KakaSaku word challenge #3: Beach on LJ. 800-1000 words, concerning beaches. Originally written November 14, 2009.

Title: Overcast  
Words: 1,047 (I went a little over the limit...)  
Genre(s): Angst/General  
Rating: PG  
Notes: Not explicitly stated, but since it's KakaSaku they do have some sort of relationship...

* * *

Sakura dragged her finger through the gritty sand. It didn't matter that she would get sand beneath her nails; they were already caked with dirt and blood. She traced nonsense words, letters that looked pretty together but didn't mean anything. Grains rose in miniature mountains alongside the thin valleys she dug, majestic formations of brown sugar that looped and crisscrossed arbitrarily.

Footsteps crunched towards her, crushing tiny shells beneath sandaled feet. She kept her eyes glued to her masterpiece but noticed him passing in her peripheral vision, a slow blob of black.

He stopped a little further down the beach. Without looking up she could guess his posture: hands in pockets, slouching. Just in case, her eyes flickered up to verify. _Yep._ She returned to her work.

His sigh was lost on the idle breeze that drifted through the beach. It made his long gray bangs dance in his vision, although it didn't affect the view much; the skies were overcast. Gray on gray. He fancied that maybe behind them there was a brilliant, bloodred sunset, maybe to match the flecks of blood crusting in his matted mane… but there was nothing to see.

Dead stalks stood fragile on the shore, bent and yellow. Not even yellow, really. Maybe a washed out beige. Nothing had real color on this desolate beach.

Kakashi looked over his shoulder at Sakura. Even her pink hair was muted in this unfriendly atmosphere. His lips dipped in a frown.

"What are you drawing?" His voice was raspy with strain.

She did not look up at him, which was a pity, because he wanted to see her eyes. "I'm not drawing," she said. Her voice was empty of inflection.

Interest stirred despite his exhaustion, peeking hopefully through the many layers of weariness and sorrow. In spite of himself he turned his body to fully face where she crouched, his back to the endless sea of nothing. He scanned the lines in the sand, trying to make sense of the jumble. "Then what is it?"

He actually sounded a little amused; however, Sakura was only irked by his question. "Can't you tell?" she asked.

Kakashi dropped his head a little lower, squinting at the meaningless squiggles.

"Nope."

Green flashed at him in a tantalizing instant as she rolled her eyes, but then they were back to the ground and he could only see the curve of her lashes. "They're words."

A pale gray eyebrow rose in incredulity. "Words." His hand slithered out of his pocket to scratch at his masked chin; his stubble was uncomfortably prickly, but he wouldn't risk shaving with a kunai.

She found his repetition suspicious. His earlier wish was satisfied with a green glare directed at him; yes, her eyes still retained their luminous quality even in the midst of this dreary landscape. Somehow this made things better.

"Of course they're words," she said crossly.

Kakashi's hand returned to his pocket. "In what language?"

Ah. Downcast again. He wished she'd kept looking at him; her eyes were very pretty.

"Well, they're combinations of words, I think…" Despite her defense of her work, she didn't seem very sure of what she was doing.

"You think?" He stepped forward with the crackling of broken shells. When he stopped, he only smudged the outer edges of the mess sprawling around her.

She frowned at his feet. "Those are their homes, you know." He lifted a foot, inspecting the white pieces poking out of the sand. Both of them ignored the crusty stains beneath his nails.

"Sorry," he said unapologetically. "But if they're stuck in such a miserable place as this, maybe it's better that they move on…"

Sakura shrugged. "They're all empty, anyway."

"Cruel fate," Kakashi sighed. "Left on this creepy beach…"

She looked up at him again; he seemed tense. His leg was still bent, his foot hovering level with the opposite knee. "You really don't like it here, do you?"

The dark eye that met hers was heavily lidded and shadowed by his hair. He hunched his shoulders, swallowing his neck in the black fabric. It must have been an optical illusion, but his tattoo looked like it was throbbing against his pale skin. "I just miss the trees."

She broke the eye contact and sat back on her knees. Her hands rested on her thighs, which were clothed in the warm black material of the black ops pants. She wasn't a member of the organization, but she had been asked to don the attire in order to match her partner on this doomed mission. She splayed her fingers, noticing the contrast between her pale skin and the dark cloth.

When she looked up again, Kakashi had his back to her. He was returning to the edge of the sand, slowly padding along the pockmarked beach. She watched his progress until his movements trailed off into a stop.

It looked like he was ready to be swallowed. The gray sky loomed over him; he was only a tiny break in the gloomy monotony, and he wasn't even that different from it. The white and black of his uniform, his gray hair, and his pale skin matched the color scheme; if she squinted it looked like he was part of a black and white photograph.

He surprised her by slipping his foot out of his sandal. Gingerly he set it on the sand; if he had stepped on a shell he didn't show it. He wriggled his toes experimentally; she watched the shiver run through his body as he touched them to the water.

Soon he had lost the other shoe and was standing barefoot on the beach. The gentle waves lapped halfheartedly at his uneven nails, bathing his feet in murky water. His shoulders relaxed, and he let out a long, weary breath.

She watched him. She wondered if his eyes were closed, or if he was watching the rhythmic motion of the waves. Her eyes flickered down to his feet. Maybe she imagined it, but she thought she saw a trickle of brownish red in the water that receded from his foot. She had healed the sensitive skin beneath his nails, but now the evidence of his injuries was being washed away from his aching feet and this melancholy beach…


	7. Worried Men Drowning Their Sorrows

Title: Worried Men Drowning Their Sorrows  
Words: 600  
Genre(s): Hurt/Comfort/Humor  
Rating: G  
Notes: Merry early Christmas! This was the for the KakaSaku Christmas drabble contest at the FC. It was organized by Lulu! :) Originally written December 12, 2009. This was written for ScaryRei, and the prompt was as follows...

_Requesting: Anything KakaSaku, fic or art; can be fluff or smut. I'm pretty easy to please and even easier to amuse._

* * *

Kakashi buried his face in the crook of his elbow, sniffling against the soft, green wool. His right arm was stretched out on the table, and his fingers scrabbled feebly at a pink mug.

"More," he moaned.

The mug scraped against the wood as Sakura picked it up, sighing softly.

Gai glanced miserably at his own mug of lime green ceramic. The steam from the hot chocolate rose in wispy curls to join the tears in the corner of his eyes, blurring his vision into a watery mess of color.

"A good tortoise," he muttered to himself. "He was always a good tortoise."

"_Is_," Sakura sang, returning to the table with the chipped mug. She set it down gently next to Kakashi, nudging it towards his arm. "Careful, it's hot," she whispered.

A grunt emerged from somewhere in his general area. Eventually, he curled his fingers around the mug and dragged it towards him. Brown droplets leapt out, scalding the table. He pulled it to his face and gripped it with both hands, tipping the steaming liquid into his mouth.

"Always a good puppy," he muttered over the rim. His eyes were foggy with nostalgia as he stared sightlessly across the table. He blew a sigh out from between his lips, and it sagged with the weight of his melancholy as it ambled heavily across the table. It seemed to transmit its sorrowful sentiments to Gai, who heaved an almighty sniffle, breathing in the anguish.

"He was your favorite."

"I know."

Sakura sighed once more. "_Is_ your favorite," she corrected. "Pakkun is still alive."

Kakashi shrugged. "Yeah, but for how long?" He sucked in a stained marshmallow, swishing it around in his mouth before half-heartedly tugging at it with his teeth and tongue.

Gai nodded in solemn understanding. He cast his gaze out the window, where thick flakes of snow barreled past in a violent stampede to the snowbanks below.

"A very long time," Sakura said firmly. She planted her hands on her hips, and Kakashi weakly turned his head to observe her. She was wearing a thick red sweater, and she looked very nice in it, but tonight he was not in the mood to get distracted by Sakura's beauty.

"No," he croaked, rolling his head back onto his arm.

"They were loyal," Gai intoned. "Nin-Kame showed me that patience was sometimes the most youthful approach..." He choked back a sob. "If only I had listened to him more... but I was in the blossom of my youth!" A bitter edge curdled his words as he shook his head. "What use had I for the wise words of a tortoise? Although I did scrub his shell faithfully with his favorite soap, I fear I never fully appreciated..."

Kakashi ignored him, speaking gently to himself. "Pakkun had soft paws..."

Sakura pinched the bridge of her nose. "You guys, they're just at the Inuzukas'," she said. "They should be back soon. Maybe if you two idiots hadn't broken all of your legs on that mission, you could go see them."

Kakashi glared. "Don't rub it in," he whined. Sakura stuck out her tongue.

(...)

Pakkun buried his nose in the fuzzy scarlet throw blanket. "This smells really good," he said, his normally gruff voice billowing smoothly out of his mouth in bliss.

Nin-Kame sighed, slowly receding into his shell. "The storm looks pretty bad out there," he grumbled. "I don't really want to go out..."

Pakkun rolled around happily on his temporary bed. "I'm fine staying here," he said, his little paws stretching up above his head. "They won't miss us."


	8. Wandered Off

Happy New Year!

Title: Wandered Off  
Genre: General  
Rating: K  
Words: 1498  
Notes: Written for world challenge #4: Stroke of Midnight on the KakaSaku community on LJ. The world limit was 1000-1500, and the theme was just as I said-- stroke of midnight! It's a little fluffy! Written on this very morning, January 1, 2010! How unreal!

* * *

Kakashi trudged through the gates, not bothering to acknowledge the clerk sitting at the desk. The man looked less than pleased to be there instead of the festival, and he spit out a bitter "Happy New Year". Kakashi could not sympathize; he had no desire to go to the festival, but the quickest way home was straight through it. He weighed his options. Going through the festival would mean getting weird stares for the ruddy stains on his white vest, and he'd be considered a general party-pooper. Plus, he'd have to avoid his drunken friends, who could range from amusing to positively dangerous. On the other hand, _not _going through the festival would involve so much extra walking after his already exhausting mission.

Resigned, Kakashi adjusted the porcelain mask on his face and stuck his hands deep into his pockets. He could still feel the Chidori tingling in his hand, but he wanted to banish the sensation. The thick dark cloth soothed his aching fingertips.

He inhaled deeply as he stepped past the first tree into the party. It was in full bloom, now; it must have been close to midnight. He could see several teenagers helping their elders prepare the first fireworks. Hoping he wouldn't be anywhere near the deafening boom, he started moving further into the crowd.

The mask on his face was enough to keep most people out of his way, and he was counting himself lucky until he heard the telltale roar of "MY ETERNAL RIVALLLL!" A prickle of fear shot down his spine; a drunken Gai made much more humiliating and difficult challenges than a sober one. And this being the eve of Gai's birthday, he would have no choice but to accept any challenges issued.

The bowl cut bobbed ever closer, gaining on him— he quickly ducked behind a food stand. His heart pounded in his chest as he listened to Gai pass.

"Where issshhhh my rivallll?" His voice sloshed out of his mouth like the sake in his bottle.

"Must've missed him!" Asuma shouted.

Gai choked out a dramatic sob. "Ever onwards we mussst proceeeeeed!"

Relieved, Kakashi sank down onto the grass. The sounds of the festival were dulled by the barrier of the wooden stand. He ran a gloved hand through his hair, pulling off the sculpted mask. The fresh air teased him through his cotton mask; he had been breathing nothing but arid desert air for the past few weeks.

_Well, no one's here._ He tugged down the mask, bunching the material at his throat while he gulped in the cool air. It was incredibly refreshing.

"You're pretty."

Kakashi started violently, twisting his head to the side. Rarely was he ever so fatigued he couldn't sense the presence of another. He squinted through the dim lighting to see a little girl sitting on his right, nibbling on a cookie and staring up at him with wide green eyes.

A light pink blush dusted his cheeks as he pulled the mask back up. "Boys aren't pretty," he retorted grumpily. It was one of his more sensitive issues.

He eyed the girl with apprehension as she scooted closer. She was in better lighting now, and he could see that her hair was pink.

The girl observed him carefully over the top of her cookie. At first he understood; he was probably pretty funny-looking to this little girl. But her stare dragged on, interrupted only by the occasional flutter of her eyelashes in a blink. Soon he was getting rather uncomfortable.

"Er…" He scratched his covered chin nervously. "What's your name?"

"Sakura!" The girl smiled, a little sheepishly. Her rose bangs fell in her face, partially obscuring her eyes. He wished she would move them out of the way. On the contrary, when she noticed him looking, she pressed them down anxiously against her forehead.

He sighed, rubbing his eyes with his finger. The glove felt uncomfortable against his sensitive eyes.

"Why are you so tired?" He looked blearily at the little girl, whose eyes were alight with curiosity.

"Because I'm a ninja." He expected her eyes to widen, but she nodded as if she already knew that. "Why are you so tired?"

Her gaze darted guiltily to the side. "Well, it's past my bedtime. How old are you?"

"Nineteen. And you?"

"Five. If you're only nineteen, why is your hair gray?"

"Why is yours pink?"

She smoothed down her bangs again. "My mommy's hair is pink."

"Your mommy?" The word felt foreign on his tongue. "Why aren't you with her?"

The girl pulled her knees up to her chest, the last crumbs of the cookie on her lips. "Well…"

Kakashi raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "You can tell me."

As soon as he said that, he felt silly: What little girl on earth would look at him and believe he was trustworthy? To his surprise, she did not shirk away but sighed, absently tapping the toes sticking out of her little pink sandals.

"I don't like Mommy's boyfriend," she explained. Her small pink lips were curved in a frown.

Ah. Kakashi knew that feeling; his father had once tried dating a woman after his mother died, but Kakashi had never warmed up to her. In fact he had refused to do more than grind out pleasantries when she was around. It had endlessly frustrated his father, and in retrospect Kakashi knew he should have been more yielding, but at the time he couldn't bring himself to like her. However, he was not comfortable sharing this, and all he said was "Oh."

"He's not mean or anything," she said, a little defensively. "But he just isn't my daddy. Daddy lives on the other side of Konoha. He has for a long time, but this is Mommy's first boyfriend since him. They wanted me to catch fish with him, but I snuck away when they started kissing." She wrinkled her nose in distaste at the thought of such a gross activity.

Yes, Kakashi could definitely identify with all of that. Still, now that he was a little older, he could also identify with the worry her mother must have been feeling.

"They're probably looking for you," he said.

She covered her face with her hands. "I knooooow," she whined.

Kakashi sighed, shifting so that he was kneeling next to her. He gently pried her hands away from her face. "I know what that's like, hm? But your mother is probably very worried about you. She's not trying to hurt you or anything."

He was holding her tiny wrists in his much larger hands, frowning at her in concern. A blush rose in her face, splashing across her cheekbones.

"I know, and that's why I'm afraid to go back… I don't want her to know why I ran over here." She sniffled dangerously, and Kakashi knew that if he didn't act soon she was going to start crying, and then he would have no idea what to do.

He released her wrists but immediately lifted her up by the arms. "Come on," he grunted.

"W-what are you doing?" she exclaimed. "Put me down!"

"Shh," he said. She was so small; it was easy to carry her, although his arms were still weak. "It's time for you to go back to your mommy."

She started to protest as he carried her bridal-style, leaving the shadow of the food stand and re-entering the party. He ignored her, and as they wove through tangles of people, her mumbles grew steadily drowsier until she had fallen asleep.

Kakashi hissed as something exploded behind him and to his right, but when he whipped his head around, he saw that it was merely the first firework. Its overwhelming _boom _was accompanied by many cracks of light and color, whirling together in the sky above the village. They circled the moon, twisting like pink and green ribbons, but Kakashi was not watching. He had started walking again, annoyed at the false alarm and worried about the girl's parents.

It was difficult to make out hair color when everything was being bathed in the colored lights, but he finally spotted a pink-haired woman. She was in tears, stumbling over her tall wooden sandals as she hurried from stand to stand, calling out the name "Sakura". Thinking that it was a name befitting the little girl's pink hair, he quickly approached the woman. He tapped her on the shoulder, and she turned around, her pretty face stained by her tears.

"Excu— Oh, my God!" Her hands flew to the little girl in his arms, and he gratefully handed her over; his arms had been starting to shake a little under the strain. A man rushed to the woman's side, rubbing her shoulder as she stroked the little girl's hair.

"It's my fault," he was saying, shaking his head angrily. "I saw how she was looking at me…" The man sounded genuinely guilty, so Kakashi shook his head.

"She just got lost. Wandered off."


	9. It's Empty

Title: It's Empty!  
Words: 1,097  
Genre(s): Humor/Romance  
Pairing: KakaRin  
Rating: PG-13 (sexual themes, mild language)  
Notes: Happy birthday, Rin! Sorry of it's sloppy, it's another written in one sitting.

Written for naruto_contest on LJ, week #58: Empty. And it won... being the only entry. Originally written November 15, 2009.

* * *

Rin reached back behind her head, grasping at strands of sweaty brown hair and yanking them together into a ponytail. She spat the fraying hairband into her palm and wound it around her hair. Pulling it taut, she wiped her face with the back of her hand. She firmly rolled her sleeves up to her elbows. With a deep breath, she dropped down to her hands and knees.

She gingerly pinched the white edge of the blanket. Distaste curled her lips as she inspected the offender, trying to ignore the stench that rolled off of it. Kakashi really needed to do a better job of toilet training that new puppy of his… Baboon, or Shampoo, or whatever its name was. There were so many available trees in Konoha, just waiting to be marked, but poor little Puppet or Pompom must have been frightened by the scents of the many dominant canines in Konoha marking up the bark, so he returned home to the comforting familiarity of Kakashi's beloved shuriken print blanket. Prune or Cocoon had then proceeded to roll around in the mess… Rin nearly choked on her own disgust.

To make matters worse, Kakashi had only just gotten home from an important, classified mission and was needed today to discuss it with the Hokage. He had only had enough time to amble into his apartment, catch a whiff of the stink, hastily drop off a few items and trip over his own feet as he stumbled out, running into Rin (who had foolishly been happy to greet him) with a watery plea of "Gotta go, could you clean this up?" She wasn't sure that cleaning up her boyfriend's poorly trained puppy's smelly mess was part of the job description, but left to his own devices, Kakashi would procrastinate and procrastinate until sooner or later the apartment would have to quarantined and subjected to a thorough (read: expensive) scouring at the hands of trained professional. So, Rin had hitched up her skirt and tiptoed into the room in question, trying not to gag.

And of course, to make matters worse, it was her birthday.

She sighed. Of course Kakashi hadn't remembered her birthday. Death dates and depressing anniversaries he was great with, but something as simple as the celebration of a birth usually slipped his mind. No thank you, no kiss on the cheek, nothing… Yet here she was, dutifully cleaning up his gross bed. Ugh.

Grumbling mutinously, she reluctantly closed her entire fist around the edge of the blanket so that she could haul it up. She turned her face away, features contorted in revulsion as she stood, bringing the abhorrent blanket with her. Frantically she gathered up the blanket, trying to touch it as little as possible but unable to avoid contact with the soiled bits. In a matter of seconds she was running out of the room, throwing the blanket unceremoniously into a designated laundry basket.

The urge to wash her hands was very strong, but there was work to be done yet: the sheets. She suppressed a shudder before returning to the scene of the crime.

Rays of light filtered onto the mat through the cracks in the blinds. She squinted through watering eyes at a reflection glinting off of some unidentified object strewn onto the mattress.

Warily she approached it, eventually going onto her knees to get a better look. It was a thin, unopened package wrapped in plastic… Her hand darted to pick it up between two fingers.

And she released it just as quickly with a yelp.

Light twinkled innocently off of the hastily discarded package. Ears pink, Rin eyed it nervously. Kakashi was a virgin. She knew it because sex was quickly becoming a rather uncomfortable subject for them; Rin was having a difficult time breaking through Kakashi's brick wall of shyness. Emotionally he had opened up to her so much already, but so far she didn't think they had been making much progress at all in the physical department… so _what the hell was he doing with condoms?_

Another shimmer of light distracted her attention. A red ribbon was poking out from underneath his wrinkled pillow. Eyeing the condoms suspiciously out of the corner of her eye, she reached for the red ribbon. Apparently, Kakashi's bed was a dangerous and unknown territory.

She lifted the pillow to reveal a small pink box. A red ribbon was tied neatly around it, topping it off with a pretty bow. Her large brown eyes widened. Was this an actual _birthday_ present? Kakashi hadn't gotten her one before the day of in years…

A folded piece of paper was taped to the lid. Hesitating only for a moment, Rin picked up the box and held it in her hands. She shook it experimentally, pressing the box up against her ear. She couldn't hear anything rattling around inside… perhaps there was a lot of padding. She looked curiously at the note, planning to open it, but she stopped when she saw the messy words scribbled across the top.

_Open before reading_

Well, that was different. Usually it was the other way around… This deviation from the norm only made her even more curious. She itched to find out what sort of gift Kakashi had gotten for her… Did he buy something? Or would it be homemade?

Rin was not generally a nosy person. However, she argued to herself that this situation might warrant a special exception… After all, what was just one little look?

The pungent stench had flown her mind. Her heart racing, she fumbled at the bow with trembling fingers. Once the ribbon was undone, she tipped up the lid and let it fall onto the wooden floor in her enthusiasm; if she was going to take a peek, she might as well get a good look.

But the box was empty. Puzzled, she turned it upside down, shaking it to see if anything fell out. Nothing did. She righted the box again, frowning at the bare inside. Disappointment tugged her heart a little farther down her chest.

Perhaps the note would provide some insight. Uncaring that it would be impossible to hide her tracks, she took the note off of the lid, ripping the fine outer layer off of the bottom and leaving with behind with the tape. She flicked the note open.

_Happy birthday, Rin,_ it read. _My present is a little more private than a box stowed under my pillow… but you can still wrap a ribbon around it if you're into that sort of thing._

Rin blushed.


	10. Crush

Part of the naruto_meme First Sentence Meme. Originally anon, but I'm de-anon-ing early because I'll not be around for the end of June. This was written on the spot in one sitting. Written on June 8th, 2010.

First one: _The worst part wasn't that he has a huge embarassing crush on Gai-sensei; the worst, in Neji's opinion, was that Gai-sensei knew..._

Title: Crush  
Words: 335  
Genre(s): Humor/Romance  
Pairing: GaiNeji  
Rating: T  
Notes: Er... I would consider this definitely, definitely crack. For the record, this is not a pairing I usually support. xD

* * *

The worst part wasn't that he had a huge embarrassing crush on Gai-sensei; the worst, in Neji's opinion, was that Gai-sensei knew...

He could see in the glint of Gai-sensei's beady black eyes _- oh how he longed for them to rake his figure ravenously -_ that spark of recognition. Whenever Neji had to look away, schooling himself so as not to reveal a pink blush as faint as the soft lavender color of his eyes; whenever he bit his lip or smoothed his hair or coughed self-consciously or told Lee that _of course you aren't as big a man yet as Gai-sensei_ (that one sort of slipped out)...

Gai-sensei saw.

It had first become apparent during missions, when the boys needed to change in close proximity to each other. Or rather, two boys and a man, as Neji soon found out. Rarely had he been so flustered as when he was first exposed to Gai-sensei's manly physique. The gloriously tight Spandex was only the tip of the iceberg, offering a tantalizing tease while concealing the hard rippling of his muscles and the coarse dark hair that dusted his sculpted body. Neji usually disliked disrobing around others - not out of embarrassment but rather personal preference for a roomy personal bubble - yet he had never accomplished quite the speed he did that day when he all but bolted out of the changing room as fast as humanly possible.

Yet he hadn't moved fast enough to fail to note the mixed expression on Gai-sensei's face: One of faint surprise undershadowed by understanding and curdled by something more primal.


	11. Author

Part of the naruto_meme First Sentence meme, the June theme. Originally anonymous. Written on the spot/in one sitting on June 8th, 2010.

Prompt: _Kabuto was torn between titles of his latest novel: Snakes in Rum, which was admittedly a small part of his story, versus the all too clinical How to Dominate Your Boss and Take Control of Your Life._

Title: Author  
Words: 396  
Genre(s): Humor  
Character: Kabuto  
Rating: K+  
Notes: Crack!

* * *

Kabuto was torn between titles of his latest novel: _Snakes in Rum_, which was admittedly a small part of his story, versus the all too clinical _How to Dominate Your Boss and Take Control of Your Life_.

On the one hand, _Snakes in Rum_ had a certain pizazz to it that the other one simply lacked. It was sure to have a more interesting cover (unless he marketed _How to Dominate Your Boss_ to the erotica set), and he wouldn't have to deal with all sorts of middle-aged, soul-searching women coming to the book signings and weeping about how he changed their life and they named their dog after him and all that nonsense. (Of course, he did not plan on attending the book signings, publicity appearances being counterproductive to becoming a secret supervillain, but it was the principle of thing.)

On the other hand, the second title was quite straightforward. And despite his disdain for the target audience, there was no denying that the market for self-help books was thriving. He could probably get away with marketing the book as such for about a week before someone found out that the book was not, in fact, about speaking up for yourself in the workplace and putting some flirt in that skirt.

But there was a certain allure to _Snakes in Rum_ that kept drawing him back, like the hypnotic music of a carnival ride. And with such a title he could give the book a "devil may care" vibe that would be sure to heighten the public perception of his masculinity. Reptiles + alcohol + Konan on the cover (if he could convince her- that was still up in the air) equaled one manly book. (Which, Kabuto was out to prove, was not an oxymoron.) Admittedly he didn't have much art direction, since Deidara had conveniently blown himself up, but they said that the best artists were mad...

A snakelike leer crept across his face.

Kabuto was certainly, certainly mad.


	12. Yours and Mine

This was also done for the naruto_meme First Sentence meme. Written in one sitting, oh man! Originally written June 8, 2010.

Prompt:_ This wasn't the first time Tsunade found a drunk Jiraiya outside her door so late in the night, flowers in his hand._

Title: Yours and Mine  
Words: 439  
Genre(s): Humor/Romance  
Pairing: JiraTsu  
Rating: PG-13

* * *

This wasn't the first time Tsunade found a drunk Jiraiya outside her door so late in the night, flowers in his hand. Nor was it the first time that when she obliged his offering with a polite sniff, her nostrils were assaulted by the pungent stink of vomit.

"Ugh," she muttered, stepping back. She eyed the young man with pity. His mouth was slack in a weak stab at a leer- disappointing, as his leers were some of the better she'd seen, but this one was just sloppy. He didn't usually look quite this pathetic. She didn't even punch him as he swiped a hand lethargically through the air, attempting to paw at her chest. Instead she merely took a few nimble steps back, letting him fall at her feet.

A hesitant toe poked at his scraggly mane of thick white hair, lifting up tangled strands to reveal a loopy grin underscoring the deep blush of alcohol spilling across his cheeks.

"That hurt," he sang, the picture of happiness. His eyes were starting to roll back a little.

Tsunade sighed. It was awfully late at night for this, but she knew that if she ever showed up on his doorstep like this, he would gladly let her in for the night. (A little too gladly, which is why she never let the opportunity arise.) Utilizing some of her inhuman strength, she sent chakra surging through her fingers and lifted Jiraiya up. She kept her hands firmly on his shoulders until he was standing up somewhat straight, waiting to let go until he seemed stable.

That turned out to be wishful thinking. Swaying slightly, he held up the bouquet of flowers. They had been crushed underneath him when he fell; the petals were wrinkled and the stalks were bent. She looked up at his face, where the same grin was hanging on.

"Theeshhh are for youoooou," he slurred.

She was actually a little touched. He had gotten something other than a dozen red roses for once, demonstrating the creativity of which he so often boasted but so seldom supported.

That is, until he lost his balance once again and faceplanted straight into her cleavage. "And theesh ah for meeeee!" he cried gleefully.

On second thought, he could sleep outside.


	13. Tootsie Roll

Last one from the naruto_meme First Sentence meme, the June theme. Finally, something I usually write for: KakaSaku! xD Written in one sitting on June 8th, 2010. (I did a lot of small writing that day!)

Prompt: _"Sensei, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie-pop?"_

Title: Tootsie Roll  
Words: 657  
Genre(s): Humor/Romance  
Pairing: KakaSaku  
Rating: PG

* * *

"Sensei, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie-pop?"

Sakura wiggled her eyebrows suggestively at Kakashi. They were seated on a nondescript bench on a side street in Konoha. Just a few minutes ago, Konohamaru and Company had barreled past, only stopping to deposit a bag of candy on her lap... Something about "good citizenship demonstrated by utilizing a public bench".

She had fished out a lollipop from the depths of the plastic bag. A papery white stick supported a bulbous red sphere, wrapped tightly with red paper around the sweet reward within. It made Sakura recall the advertising campaigns from her youth. It was easy to remember being a little girl, impatiently slurping at the cherry red exterior while trying to keep count in her head before finally giving in and biting into the chocolate center. Now, however, she had less pure intentions in mind.

Kakashi frowned at her as she waved the candy in front of his nose. "I've... never thought about it," he admitted.

Ah, Sakura knew this trick. He was playing dumb. She gave him a knowing smile, her eyes shining bright with excitement. "Well, maybe we can find out _together_," she hinted flirtatiously.

A coal black eye narrowed in thought. He was putting on a pretty good act; she could see no arousal simmering in the background of his gaze. Rather, he was staring at the candy as if giving it a good hard thought.

"It would be kind of hard to do with two people, wouldn't it?" he said finally. He looked up at her. "Would _you_ like to?"

He asked as if he preferred that she answer that question in the negative. Could it be that he was not latching onto her insinuations? Could a veil so thin as interest in a _lollipop_ really be too dense for someone of his caliber?

She scooted closer, determined to get her point across. "Two tongues are better than one..." Just to really hammer it in, she even fluttered her eyelashes prettily.

Kakashi shook his head and took the lollipop from her. "No, I think I'll do this on my own. I really am curious now."

Sakura wrapped her fingers around his wrist. Faint worry creased his brow. "We are a couple. We do things together," she ground out.

The visible quarter of his face paled. "Err... do you really want it that much? I thought you were on a diet..."

A yelp of hurt and disbelief shot out of her mouth as she pushed away from him, releasing his wrist as if burnt. "What kind of thing is that to say?"

His shoulders sagged. "You get angry when I pretend to forget you're on a diet, too..."

Pink rose angrily in her cheeks. "You jerk! Take your stupid lollipop and shove it wherever you please, because it won't be _here_!" She jumped to her feet and stormed away, allowing herself to feel quite offended and put-upon.

Kakashi merely sighed, tugging the wrapper off the lollipop. He glanced around surreptitiously, checking to see if anyone was in sight. No one was. And if someone did walk past, would they really believe what they were seeing, if what they were seeing was Hatake Kakashi licking at a lollipop with a look of total concentration on his face?

Navy blue slid down his neck as he exposed his face. He gave the lollipop an experimental poke of his tongue before beginning the experiment.

"One, two, three..."


	14. Teacher

Week #60: teacher on naruto_contest (LJ comm) seems to be left in limbo. The comm hasn't been touched since March. So I figured I'll just post this regardless. I wrote this in mid-ish February. (Back when Kakashi still faced the prospect of becoming Hokage.) Thanks to J-pop princess for looking it over for me at the time.

Title: Teacher  
Words: 752  
Genre(s): Romance/Humor  
Pairing: KakaMei (For those who don't know, Terumii Mei is the name of the Mizukage.)  
Rating: PG-13 (sexuality!)

Summary: Kakashi has a thing or two to learn about being a Hokage.

* * *

"Hello there, Miss Mizukage."

Mei had been walking along one of the thick white walls that separated Kirigakure into subdistricts, enjoying the cool night air. She turned to see the Hokage hanging upside down from a nearby tree. Spikes of gray hair painted silver by the moonlight fell around his face, and his cloak hung down so far it touched the ground.

She put a hand on her hip. "What are you doing up there?" She was used to seeing him reclining on a branch, not hanging down from one.

"Just admiring you from a different angle than usual."

"Is that the standard way of greeting a foreign leader where you come from, Hatake Kakashi?"

His eye crinkled and his cheeks stuck out in a smile.

Leaning forward, she gave him a challenging smirk. "You have a lot to learn about being a Kage, newbie."

"Oh really?"

She walked slowly over to him. He followed the subtle movements of her hips until she finally reached him, putting a hand on his face. Her thumb brushed his masked chin.

"First, you have to be on the same level," she whispered.

He held her eye contact for a second before coming down— she let go of his face just in time to take a step back.

Hair tousled, he straightened up. "Check."

"All right," she said. "But that's just _greeting_ a contemporary— to be a kage, you need to be _polite_."

He cupped his chin thoughtfully, rubbing it with the calloused pad of his thumb. "Would flattery suffice?"

"Of course," she purred.

He crouched down. "Well, Lady Mizukage, you have the most shapely legs," he said appreciatively.

She cocked an eyebrow. "Oh really?"

"Oh yes." He touched a hesitant finger to her soft skin. She did not object, so he ran his hand along her calf, the leather palm of his glove rough against the silky leg.

"I'm afraid you'll have to do better than that," she said. "That is, if you _really_ want to impress me."

He hooked his thumb underneath the bottom edge of her fishnet shorts. She shivered as he pushed it up her thigh, but it was stubborn and started bunching midway up, so he slipped a kunai out of his leg holster and gently sliced through the netting.

"A good kage should be able to find innovative ways to cut through obstacles," he said quietly. "Right?" He parted the fraying fishnet to reveal her thigh, unblemished save for a single, familiar mole— more of a freckle, really, that winked at him whenever he visited.

"Mm," she hummed. "You learn well, but a kunai? That's hardly innovative for the most powerful shinobi in the country."

He pressed a masked kiss to her thigh. Pursing her lips together, she worked to prevent a moan from gliding out. Not quite yet— she needed more before she graced him with such a pleasure. "A good kage doesn't need to cover his face."

She could feel his smirk against her skin as he tugged down his mask and kissed her again; she had to put her hand against the wall for support. After a struggle for composure, she said, "Well, now that you've made a good first impression, it's time to show the foreign leader that you mean business."

His head emerged from beneath her skirt. "Business?" He brought his fingers up to unclasp the buckle at her waist.

"Yes," she said forcefully. He paused to look up at her. His eye was alight with curiosity, but she could see the backlight of lust biding its time.

She secured a grip on his bicep and roughly pulled him up.

"You have to wield _authority_..."

Her belt fell, bringing her weapons pouch with it to the ground as she quickly maneuvered him against the wall. She pushed her knee between his legs and felt the pressure of his hardening erection. Rising to her tiptoes, she pressed him firmly against the wall with one arm, using the other to caress the locks of silver hair that stuck out behind his ear. Her lips moved softly as she whispered.

"... And coax the other party into _submission_."

The Hokage was silent for several moments before his voice rumbled in his chest and tickled the shell of her ear between auburn strands of hair.

"I think I might need a demonstration."

She pressed her breasts against his firm chest and smirked in satisfaction at the resulting twitch of his cock against her knee.

"Then let me teach you."


	15. Blimp

KakaSaku LJ Comm Community Chat Alphabet Meme; prompt given by weirdwig is "B is for Blimp". Challenge was to keep it under 100... Didn't happen. Originally written ten minutes ago on October 13, 2010.

Title: Blimp  
Words: 146  
Rating: K  
Genre: Gen  
Time Spent On It: just a few minutes, so cut me some slack!

* * *

Kakashi's eyes widened in horror at the blemish in the sky. It poked a hole in the otherwise clear blue expanse of air, threatening him with its beady dot of blackness.

"Sakura, get down!" he shouted, grabbing her shoulder and forcing her into a low crouch beside a building. He should have known that this embassy trip to Iwa would have been anything but peaceful, and that they would pull out the jutsu they must have been saving for years to pull on Konoha-

Sakura swatted his arm away and stood back up, brushing off her skirt indignantly. "Sensei, that's a _blimp_."

"A... come again?"

"Blimp. Harmless new technology."

Kakashi straightened up, squinting against the sun to regard the large dirigible. Now that it had come closer, he could see a plump dignitary waving from the cabin.

He slipped his hands into his pockets with a weary sigh.


	16. Elbow

Written just a few minutes ago for the Alphabet Meme on the KakaSaku Community Chat on the KakaSaku LJ Community. (What a mouthful!) Prompt this time posed by my friend Clearheart: E is for Elbow! Once again I failed at keeping it a "100 word drabble" to quote nimbl. October 13, 2010.

Title: Elbow  
Rating: T  
Genre: Humor  
Words: 336

* * *

Sakura wasn't sure how it had come to this.

Kakashi was standing in front of her. His posture rigid, he was holding out a plastic package, resolutely looking away from it. The exposed part of his face was as red as the cover of Icha Icha Violence.

Sakura's face was even redder. "What... is that?" she asked in a horrified whisper.

"Erm..." He tugged self-consciously at his collar. "I heard that you... um... have been questioning your, uh..."

"My... what?" She was trying to avert her eyes from the proffered package, but like a sheltered schoolgirl she couldn't stop herself from stealing shifty glances.

He exhaled a heavy sigh. "I heard that you were questioning your, um, genderidentityandum-"

She held up a hand and he stopped gratefully, eyeing her nervously. Exerting a great amount of effort to keep herself calm, she said steadily, "Did you hear this from Naruto?"

He hesitated for a teetering moment before jerking his head in the affirmative. His coal black eye was trained on her in apprehension.

Her large green eyes fell shut, and she dragged her fingertips along her temple in agitation. "I am going to _kill_ him," she said in a deadly whisper. "_Kill_ him."

Kakashi gulped.

"Sakura," he began nervously, "if it's something you're thinking about, it's not something to be ashamed of-"

"Stop!" she ordered, and he cowered back into silence. "That idiot Naruto! It was an elbow licking contest!"

Kakashi quirked his head to the side, uncomprehending. "An elbow licking...?"

"Contest. Contest. An elbow licking contest," she explained heatedly. "If you lick your elbow you switch genders. I wasn't doing the contest to switch genders, though! It was just that that idiot Naruto said it wasn't possible, but Sasuke said it was, so we were all trying to and it was just to prove the impossible possible, not to _turn into a __boy!_"

There was a long pause.

"Oh," Kakashi said, blinking. Face blank, he held up the plastic package again. "But do you still want the strap on?"


	17. Kerosene

KakaSaku Alphabet Meme on the Community Chat on the LJ Community. Prompt by cynchick: K is for Kerosene. Originally written ten minutes ago on October 14, 2010. Slightly altered from its original form.

Title: Kerosene  
Words: 255  
Rating: K+  
Genre: Suspense

* * *

Sirens blared in a terrifying shrill all around them. The sky bled with crimson lights.

Sakura's checked the doorway again; her neck was sore from the continuous, paranoid movement.

"Hurry up," she hissed. She turned back to Kakashi, who was bent over a shelf shrouded in darkness.

"Don't distract me." His voice crackled with strain. Feverishly he tossed another scroll to the side. It spilled across the wooden floorboards, crinkled paper bathed red in the light from the alarms.

His Sharingan roved the forbidden documents in a blur, cataloging every stroke of ancient calligraphy.

Finally he snapped the last scroll shut, lobbing it onto the top of the pile. "You've got the-"

"Yes," Sakura interrupted. Hands weak and trembling from exhaustion, she sent a spark of chakra to her fingers and screwed off the plastic cap. She gripped the container by the handle. In a jerky arc, she waved the bottle across the pile of papers. Black liquid gurgled from the open top, drenching the scrolls.

The pungent stink stung her nostrils and lingered thick in her throat, but she ignored it. She skipped back a few steps, giving Kakashi a clear path to the scrolls from where his fingers met in the sign of the Tiger.

A stream of fire hurdled forth, igniting the kerosene stripes that dripped across the papers.

Two strong arms wrapped around her, meeting in front of her chest in the sign of a teleportation jutsu. There was a flash of blinding white light, and Kakashi and Sakura disappeared.

The last remains of Konoha descended into flames.


	18. Profanity and Sexism

Naruto_Meme on LJ SCREAM meme for October; originally anonymous, but now that October is over, my identity is revealed! Here is an on-demand prompt. Originally written October 6, 2010.

Title: Profanity and Sexism  
Words: 754  
Rating: T for strong language  
Genre: Dark Humor/Revenge  
Prompt: _"The Akatsuki have never had a healer on hand so the role automatically falls to the only woman in the group. Contrary to cliche, Konan has no healing skills whatsoever and resorts to unorthodox/primitive/painful means to go about patching up her comrades._

Screams from Hidan or Deidara would be best, what with their tendency for losing limbs and all. :D"

* * *

_Konan looked from Madara to Pain with cool skepticism._

"Why on earth would you ask me to be your medic?" The notion was laughable. Konan could more easily use a bandage to strangle than to heal.

Pain's blank look aggravated her. He merely shrugged and looked back at Madara. Frowning, Konan too faced their new "leader."

Madara was assuming the guise of Tobi today, so a saccharine voice answered her from behind a porcelain orange whirlpool. "Because you're our lovely lady."

Kakuzu looked down at the blue-haired woman beside him with disdain.

"I'm a little to busy for that," he sneered.

Konan's mouth twitched in annoyance. "He's your partner," she reminded him.

"And you're the medic." He flicked a piece of lint off his robe. It landed on Konan's.

Her frown deepened. Dark eyes roved Kakuzu's ugly body, patched up by precise seams that crisscrossed his rough skin. There was no question that he was adept at stitching up bodies. She could never be so skilled at healing.

Her gaze flickered up coolly to his. "I'll do it then," she said, but there was an intensity in her eyes that Kakuzu did not miss. She saw a hint of recoil (was it fear?) in his murky orbs before he turned on his heel and strode away.

A smirk twitched at the corner of her mouth.

* * *

Hidan stared dully up at a stalactite whose point was dangerously close to his head. "How much longer until the goddamn angel shows up?" he drawled. The cave did not answer him but stayed silent in its gloom.

This was the first time he had suffered major injury since joining the Akatsuki. Honestly, he was enjoying it so far. The pain validated his existence by pleasing his god.

So despite the horror stories he had heard from Deidara about the "medic", Hidan was unafraid. No medic could cause him any pain he could not handle. The more pain, the better!

"Bring it on!" he shouted, grinning as he listened to his winning words echo throughout the cave.

"Okay."

He started at the sudden voice so close to his ear. "Took you long enough, Konan!" he jeered, leering up at the woman who walked into sight. Her dark robes rustled across the rocky ground, and she came to kneel beside Hidan on his slab of rock.

His gaze fell down past her collar to settle on her covered chest. The conservative robe left very much to the imagination, but Hidan had quite a wild imagination. He smacked his lips without thinking; Konan's eyes flashed to his mouth, and she frowned slightly but said nothing.

His grin spread across his mouth as he rolled his head around on the rock slab to get a better look at her. "What took you so long?"

"Your dear partner," she said coldly.

Hidan laughed. "Kakuzu, that bitch? What, were you two screwing? I could have sworn he was-"

His jeer was cut off by a sharp gasp as his face was suddenly assaulted with a jet of cold water. Sputtering, he blinked rapidly to clear his eyelashes of the frigid droplets.

"What the fuck?" he spat, glaring blearily at Konan. She was lowering her hands, which had been held together in a seal for a water jutsu.

"You had dirt on your neck," she explained matter-of-factly. "If dirt gets in your wound, it could get infected."

"No shit, but have you never heard of a _washcloth_?"

Konan merely shrugged. She took Hidan's injured arm gingerly in her icy hands, inspecting it with detached curiosity. Then she splayed her fingers on the skin and narrowed her eyes in concentration. Hidan watched apprehensively as curly tendrils of paper began to sprout from her fingertips.

They unraveled into longer strips that began to ghost around Hidan's arm. At first they encircled it from a distance, but once they had grown so long that they began to trail on the floor, Konan gave a flick of her wrist. They coiled tightly around his arm, the fine edges of the paper cutting into his skin.

"What the fuck!" he hissed. "A little counter fucking productive, Konan!"

Konan tied the end of the bandage into a neat knot. "The little cuts are unimportant," she explained. "They will heal easily."

"Why didn't you get normal bandages like a _normal medic_?" he said angrily.

Konan made eye contact with him then, a little smirk playing at her eyes. "Because I'm not a medic," she said. "Now how about some stitches?"

-

-

-

Hidan's screams could be heard throughout the cavernous headquarters.

Finally, a pain he could not endure.


End file.
